Online Dating

Are you a match to yourself?

I was recently with a client who came to me for coaching with dating.  He explained that he was  active on a couple of online dating sites and had also signed on with a professional matchmaking service and had become very discouraged in his attempts to find a suitable love match.  We talked about how he described himself on these sites and he announced with a grin that he had stated his age five years younger than his real age on all of his profiles.  When I asked him his motivation for doing so, he said he wanted to meet a younger woman.  He was looking for a women between 40 and 50 years of age and stated his age as 51, when in fact he is 56.  I asked him to imagine that he had met the woman of his dreams: someone who met all his criteria, intrigued him with her clever messages of correspondences, was lively and engaging on the phone in conversation and to whom he felt a strong attraction upon meeting in person.  I asked him to imagine being genuinely delighted after several other dates to the point where they became quite serious about each other.  Then one day, you and your lovely lady decide to go on a vacation together.  After a week of sunny, tropical relaxation you became quite smitten with each other.  The vacation comes to an end and you return home  with the satisfaction that the trip together had created a new level of closeness.  You eagerly anticipated your future together.  On the plane home you are smiling, holding hands and feeling a stirring of real connection.  As you cuddle together in your seats and prepare to land, the stewardess hands out the declaration forms.  You fold down your tray tables and complete the forms when you realize you need your passport number.  CoupleSuddenly, you realize that the tiny pit in your stomach is immediately making you take notice.  It is growing rapidly.  You realize that that your “tiny secret” must be guarded – you know, that little white lie that you used on your dating profile.  It was just a little, innocuous, slight adjustment in your stated age, not really a big deal, except that lately it has been sneaking its way into your consciousness much more frequently than you ever would have imagined.  In fact, it has even made appearances in your dreams as a little devil-voice telling you to “fess up”.  You have been trying to mute the voice by telling yourself that it was a very innocent lie, but it has become increasingly hard to quiet.  Now, here it is again, only a lot noisier.  You try to shield your passport from view, but everything about your energy is giving you away.  It’s now too late.  Your awkward attempt to hid the truth has exposed you. . . .

Your lie is out now when there is so much at stake.  Is this scenario in your future?  Would you still have met her if you were honest from the start?  Truth will always come out, especially when you are considering a soulmate.  Is it worth the risk?

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